Beauty… meet the Beast

Cuddly Disney buys hardened comics veteran, Marvel and now the world is crashing…

What could be easily the greatest, or the worst moment in the history of comic books has come to fruition. On August 31, 2009, Disney announced their plan to purchase the comics giant Marvel Entertainment for four billion dollars.

At first glance, the two companies have a lot in common. Both have made their fortunes by taking characters that capture the imaginations of youth and bringing them to life, through movies, cartoons, and various other methods.

However, in recent years, Marvel has distanced themselves from the “golly gee!” days of cheesy comics and brought a real edge to their characters that makes them relatable, and even lovable to today’s popular culture. That, right there, is the first thing that scares me about the Disney takeover.

Stich and the Silver Surfer cruising the skies.
Stich and the Silver Surfer cruising the skies.

I don’t want my Disney-version Punisher to put down his guns and start beating them into submission by using oversized mallets labeled “ACME”.

I don’t want my Hulk running saying, “Hulk won’t like if you don’t eat vegetables!”

That, however, isn’t the scariest part to me.

I just honestly hope, and I really do hope, with all of my heart, that Disney doesn’t try to plug the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus into any Marvel movies anytime soon.

Then again, Cyrus could easily play the X-Men character Siryn, who has the ability to create a “sonic scream ” , capable of either injuring an opponents hearing, or incapacitate them altogether, a power that she seems to share with Cyrus.

Also , if I see any kind of breaking out into “Circle of Life” or anything of the sort in the upcoming Marvel movie adaptations, I’m taking my 42 gallon soda, if I can lift the thing, and throwing it at the screen.

That being said, this could turn out brilliantly for comic book geeks, like myself. Imagine a completely new Disney theme park.

Done correctly, that could be amazing, and could help revive the lost art of the comic book

Imagine an affordable – and don’t tell me it’s not possible, because I know the technology is coming – underwater hotel based off the Atlantis region of the Marvel Universe.

Granted, the Atlantis region isn’t very popular, or even interesting outside of Namor, but I want my underwater theme park based off Marvel damnit!

Disney. If you’re reading this. I hope you’re taking notes