Five Guys Burgers and Fries: Love at first bite

167“Cheggit.” If you haven’t heard the word, there’s a small taste of heaven to be had among the small town hustle and bustle of Issaquah, not 15 minutes from BC campus.  Five Guys, Burger and Fries is where it’s at. Nestled next to the 12th Ave Café near Target, these guys whip up one of the most delightfully tantalizing burgers, fittingly adorned with a smattering of freshly made fries.

I’ve had a couple of buddies in the past months mention Five Guys in conversation. “Dude, you haven’t been to Five Guys? What’s wrong with you?”, “Oh man, you HAVE to go sometime, Five Guys is BOMB.” “Five Guys is the ‘illest dopest-dankity-dank’ I’ve ever had!” You get the picture.

Eventually I came to the realization, with all the hype and having still not tasted the sweet flavor of notoriety bestowed upon this name that I could no longer deprive myself of a life-changing experience. I cashed my paycheck and made way for Issaquah.

I immediately sensed the aromatic wall of deliciousness. The sweet scent of sizzling beef patties reeled me towards the sign “Order Here” suspended overhead the counter.  “This is how a burger place is supposed to smell,” I thought, along with “it’s super clean in here,”and “OH MY GOD AM I HUNGRY NOW!!!”

“100% FRESH BEEF, No Fillers, No Preservative, Our Menu is Trans Fat Free” read the menu, which adds, “FRESH CUT POTATOES, Cooked in 100% Peanut Oil, No Cholesterol or Preservatives,” ‘Well at least I can sleep knowing I tried not to clog my arteries today,’ I thought.

To my right is posted a sign telling me where my potatoes came from on the day of my visit. “Royal City, WA.” Having never been told where my fries hailed from, I found this trivia fact, for lack of a better word, comforting.

Time to order. The young lady tending the counter greeted me with a genuine smile, and reassured me I could take my time choosing, almost as if she knew I’d never set foot in the place prior.

“Cheeseburger with everything, fries and a coke, please.”

The total came to about $12. This better not just be a glorified McDonalds, I thought as I dug for my wallet. I had about five minutes to look around before retrieving my food.  The walls are covered with eye catching shout-outs from an assortment of critically acclaimed newspapers and feature magazines, “Best Burger,” “Best Fries,” etc. I noted the tables were freshly cleaned, and the floor scrubbed within an inch of its life, nothing like grungy burger joints I’ve found on my adventures to downtown Seattle or on the Ave. This place looked incredible.

“#81!”.  My order was called and the moment of truth  arrived. I unwrapped my burger, poured my fries onto a napkin spread out upon the table and readied myself.  Would it be all that I’d heard it talked up to be? Had I just spent $12 in yet another vain attempt to find the greatest burger known to man?  My head swarmed with questions, my hands shook with anticipation and my taste buds salivated uncontrollably.

The first bite was perfect. Needless to say, I lost any doubts. My mind was completely blown. The food quickly vanished.

Once I had regained my composure from the initial shock of the epic explosion of taste embodied in the burger, I came to a sad realization. I did not have another $12 or the stomach space to do it all over again. The thought alone nearly brought me to tears whilst I gobbled down the remaining mountain of fries in front of me.

Had I just had a religious experience? Had I felt love for the first time? Had I possibly just consumed the single greatest burger on the face of the earth?  All signs point to yes. And had I the means to do it all over again same day, I’d had done it in a heartbeat.

Without a doubt, it was worth every penny.  Five Guys, you guys freakin’ rule. Whatever you have going now is what every burger joint in town need wish they had. Thank you.

My diagnosis rests at ‘Sinfully good.’ Make sure you swing by Five Guys, Burger and Fries when you’re in the Issaquah area or any time you find yourself wanting a “real” burger.  They’ll fix you up.