I came, I saw, I became a supervillain

Sent in by Phyllis Love – Dental Hygiene Instructor.

In observation of the end of twenty years as an instructor in BCC’s School of Dental Hygiene, I am writing The Jibsheet to express my deep feelings about this institution.

Firstly, I’d like to thank my fellow instructors in the department. You have all been so very helpful through my divorce, bankruptcy, and therapy. You always listened, gave me a shoulder to cry on, and knew when to hide the sharp instruments. (I bet you didn’t think I saw that!) I’ll always think of you every time I hear the words, “Spit, please.”

The administration has been so understanding as well. Thank you for hiring me back after the unfortunate incident with the lip retractor. You guys are the greatest!

Finally, I’d like to express my appreciation toward the students. Ah, the students! What an exceptional gathering of young people we have here. I would like to thank each and every one of my students for making my life a living hell the last twenty years.

Yes, you know who you are. The student texting a note in the back of the class. The one with the headphones. And you, with the chewing gum. Do you think that is appropriate in a Dental Hygiene class? You are the reason my coworkers had to hide the sharp instruments!

Do you even know how hard that is to do in a dental laboratory? No. I don’t think that you do. I don’t think that you do.

If I hear the words, “Is this going to be on the final?” one more time, I swear I am going to pull out my Wedelstaedt chisel and eliminate the whole lot of you!!! Just what were you going to say when the dentist asks you to hand him the Lentulo spiral. “But that wasn’t on the final!”?!? No sense of responsibility, that’s what’s wrong with the whole lot of you!

I do have one thing to thank you spoiled little brats for, though. If it weren’t for you, I never would have found my true calling. I have just been accepted into the alliance of Super-Villains! Now, I can finally show, show you all! BWAH-HA-HA-HA!

No, really, they’re great. We have a lot of laughs, and I’m getting better at accessing my inner rage. They really loved my diabolical device too! I can’t reveal my secret plot, of course, but here’s a hint: an ultrasonic scaler, a periosteal elevator, and ten pounds of dental composite. Got it?

No, I didn’t think that you would. You see, that’s why you have to read the whole book, whether the chapter is on the final or not. So, good luck surviving the next quarter. You are going to need it.

Yours in evil,
The Retractor
(formerly Phyllis Love,
instructor, Department of Dental