When a man is really in love with a woman, he sends her gold rings, puppies, and flowers–through Facebook. He will comment and click like on all of her status updates, consistently talk about his favorite cars on her wall, and share random images from around the Internet. He knows she will not unfriend him because she is simply too polite.
Is this an episode of the twilight zone? Nope, these are Internet creepers and they are coming to a theater near you.
Now, I know there are some people out there who use Facebook News Feed as a means to keep up with their friends. And then there are people who use the News Feed to track people over cyberspace and butt their noses into places where they do not belong.
Let me tell you this, it is not fun to be stalked over cyberspace. Facebook is a place where you can present yourself to others you cannot readily meet in person or to share your personal life with your friends. I don’t want to go on Facebook and have thirteen notifications from the same moron asking me if I’m awake or asleep or why I’m ignoring them. I’m ignoring you because you’re weird, you dumb potato. No, I don’t want to see the pictures of your cars and no, I don’t care about Justin Bieber’s new haircut. Stop trying to find things in common with me.
But let’s move on to a more fatal kind of Internet predator. Internet creeps are people who aren’t obsessed with you online; they’re the ones who do their hating online. I guess it’s one step up from talking smack behind your back, but it is still damn annoying when your wall is full of spiteful comments from idiots whose creative imagination pertaining to English language is limited to merely not-so-subtle name calling and petty insults.
I mean damn, if you can’t handle words like Chris Jericho, then shut the hell up.
Sure, you can stop creepers from creeping by unfriending them, but it is much harder to stop internet creeps from poking at your nerves. They will go out of their way to use mutual people you know in order to find out stuff about you.
Internet creeps: The reason why the status function should be killed. They will comment on everything you say, even when they have absolutely no business doing so. They don’t even get the hint when you start ignoring their posts and, instead, talk to other people commenting on the post.
How do you know these people are insecure freaks? The fact that they disable their own wall so none of their recent actions show up when you look them up to curse them out. They’ll also play innocent when you reply with, “WTF dude!” preferring to avoid confrontation when your last nerves have snapped. Sometimes, they’ll even have the testicular fortitude to half-ass tell you off on your own wall.
So I say this: “Dude, no one wants you here. Know your role, shut your mouth, get the hell off my wall, and go back to your pathetic cease pool you call existence.” Is that too harsh? When someone dedicates their his or her life to ticking you off for five more minutes, you get real sick, real fast.
To me, personally, I have more stride than to waste my time deleting people off of Facebook. I much rather wait for the haters to delete me due to their undue hate. So it is okay if you want to keep your wall hidden while staring angrily at my wall and all my recent activities under your single light bulb. Eventually, as I go on about my life and continue going for my JD, you will get bored, wipe the Twinkie crumbs off your lap, and finally get a life.