Perfect Proposal

70A3? What a horrible hand
70A3? What a horrible hand

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and what better way to show your love to your significant other than to propose to them at a major league sporting event? After all, we have all seen Hollywood movies and TV shows where the unsuspecting girlfriend thought she was merely attending an innocent game of baseball, basketball, or football when suddenly the entire stadium gasps in unison and bursts into applause. The fearless heroine looks up to see what everyone is reacting to, and much to her surprise, sees a marriage proposal directed to her on the Titantron. Her rich but supposedly charming and loving boyfriend pops the ring next to her in the skybox seat and they get married and live happily ever after.

Of course, such things usually happen in the realm of fiction, but since then, a number of creative individuals have fancied testing not-so-private proposals. Sometimes, we see proposals on TV shows or sporting events. At other times, we have the pleasure of being one of the bystanders in a largely publicized proposal.

But there is no universal guide in doing it right. Because of that, sometimes the audience is shocked not only by the proposal but also the rejection. Sure, we laugh at them afterwards but when you place yourself in their shoes, public proposals can be quite scary.

So here are the top ten things to remember when doing a scoreboard proposal.

  1. Make sure that it is a major league event. I cannot stress this enough. Think of it this way, women want to be taken to dates in a Lexus LF-A, not a Volkswagen Jetta. Proposals have to be memorable. No one wants to remember a dinky Little League game where all the kids are crying over their lost.
  2. Spell the names correctly. Maybe the crowd will not notice; but she will. She will react in two ways: Laugh at your silly mistakes, or deck you in halls (late Christmas joke). And for heaven’s sake, try not to propose to anyone with common names like Emily Smith or Alice Jones. Chuck only knows how many are them are in attendance.
  3. Take “no” for an answer. If she says no, do not make a big deal out of it; yet. Do not start crying. Do not start begging. Do not start calling her streetwalker based insults. Do not demand your fifty dollars back. Go home.
  4. Have the announcers in it. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you can just turn your attention to the scoreboard we have a special announcement!” This way, she will look up when everyone else does instead of missing it because she is texting her friend about what a jerk you are for seemingly to ignore her all day.
  5. Have one of the players carry the ring. Because he or she will congratulate the two of you, therefore, adding more to the special moment. Besides, who can reject a proposal in the presence of Kobe Bryant?
  6. Have a backup plan. Chances are she will be in the bathroom during halftime.
  7. Do not give the spotlight to the sports center. Sure, they are doing you a favor, but it is your day. If the team wants you to dance with the mascot or do anything else you do not want to, then tell them straight up. Besides, you paid for your time (maybe).
  8. Do not have the bachelor party right after. You are probably anxious to go celebrate with your bros in a setting with lots of alcohol and loose women who jump out of cakes and pants. This level of common sense should be right between, “Look both ways before crossing the street,” and, “Always flush.”
  9. Always flush. After the aforementioned bachelor party, you are probably going to throw one anyways.
  10. Do not get cold feet. Do not get cold feet. I repeat this twice, because the balls dropping process is sometimes reversed during tense moments such as a public proposal. Like kissing, you should probably practice on a mannequin a few times.

On a side note. This article might be a little much. After all, if you are reading this, chances are you are still a college student. Something tells me you will not be proposing anytime soon.