In a startling development, Bellevue Community College’s Athletic Department Head Bubba Stone attempted to organize a press conference recently for a “major announcement.”
The two reporters in attendance were surprised to hear that Stone planned to establish both a Polo program, and a Water Polo program, and immediately merge them both.
The first question put to Stone was immediately answered.
“We will indeed use horses, as well as a pool,” he said. “Hopefully, we will begin to teach the horses to swim as soon as possible.”
Where he plans to get said horses remains a mystery. However, once the horses are purchased, extra large water wings will be ordered, and the horses will begin swimming lessons. This will also even the field for polo jockeys over the height of five feet, as their size won’t make a difference in the water.
Tryouts will be held, although it hasn’t been decided where, when, or how. Due to the added element of buoyancy contributed by the water, the normally stringent weight requirements won’t adhere to the new game.
The announcement came on the heels of last week’s announcement that Stone plans to spice up golf by adding elements of football to the game.
“Look, golf is boring, there’s no other way to put it. And the most exciting game around is football,” said Stone.
“Since BCC doesn’t have a football program, it makes sense to incorporate elements from the most exciting game into the most boring game, doesn’t it? Forget the rules, those aren’t important. We’ll figure something out later. Just think about it. Think about if Tiger Woods not only had to worry about his shot, but a blitzing 255 pound linebacker.”
One of the major noticeabledifferences in this new hybrid of golf and football will be the galleries of fans. In a stark contrast to the normally funereal level of silence on the green, chants and cheerleaders will now not only be unrestricted, but encouraged.
As with the golf and football merger, Stone doesn’t appear to have a clue about how he’s going to merge the rules for both polo and water polo.
“What is it with you and rules?” Stone asked. “Truth be told, I’m not really worried about it. They both have goals don’t they? How hard can it be?”