2011 is the year of the BUTT.
Of course, everyone wants washboard abs, and toned arms and legs. But now it’s time to leave those behind and focus on your behind.
Companies are banking on helping people make the perfect booty. There are so many ways to go about getting this gem without hitting the gym, which made me investigate: How much will people pay for the best bum, and how effective are their tactics?
GRADING SCALE for effectiveness 1-5
1=Brick wall (beyond flat)
5=Brick house (curvy and lovin’ it)
Sketchers is heading the battle with their infamous “Shape Ups”.
Shape up showdown:
OMG, BECKY! There are shoes that give you a butt that would make Sir Mix-A-Lot say ,“WHOA, BABY GOT BACK.”
Actuality: Wearing these elevated shoes will create a honky tonk badonkadonk.
I SMELL A LIE.
The women who wear heels all the time will agree with me.
I doubt that some sneaker with a 2 inch lift will make a significant difference to your table like tush.
Do notice that in those commercials, these women are in work out clothes. BIG HINT: Maybe instead of relying on the apple bottom fairy to visit your home, you should hit the gym.
DARE I SAY, do some squats. Perhaps some deep lunges.
You can’t get yoga butt from doing nada, unless you are wearing yoga pants. Oh, the irony.
Price: $100. I doubt you would walk around with a sign the reads, “I HAVE A FLAT BOTTOM, HOW ARE YOU?” If you are walking around in these babies, do know that you will be off the guy radar, unless they see it as an investment.
Cuckoo for Lulus:
WARNING: FALSE ADVERTISEMENT
On a daily basis, I witness the miracles that Lulu pants perform for women (perhaps even some men). They go from shinny all around to Beyonce in minutes. It’s like going from a new moon straight to FULL MOON. They give girls what guys love the most: yoga butt without all the downward facing dogs that come with it.
Price: $78-98. When your boyfriend finds out you will have a lot of explaining to do, Lucy. So, proceed with caution.
Pop and lock with your Booty Pop:
The push up bra for booty. If you think you are lacking in the butt cleavage area, this is the look for you.
Regardless, once your boyfriend finds out, it may scar him for life.
Price: $20, Target
Everyone isn’t meant to have a butt like Serena Williams, so don’t feel bad. Just join the “accepting my flatness” group, where you come to terms with your not so lovely lady lumps.