The Watchcat

The Watchcat is The Watchdog’s April 1st news column, which has been publishing annually since, to the envy of all other news sources, the dawn of the first societies in the fertile crescent. Particularly popular among the inhabitants of Betelgeuse and Alpha Centauri, the Watchcat is known across the galaxy for it’s insightful commentary and relentless pursuit of the truth.

Or at least as close to the truth as we feel like getting. I mean, it was finals just last week you guys—we’re exhausted. We might have missed a few details, or made up one or two stories, but I think we deserve a break from all of this ‘objective reporting’ nonsense anyhow. Journalism is hard work—hell, just writing this has basically wiped me out. So why don’t you just run along and read some of our free-range, artisanally-crafted, dry-aged, available-by-prescription-only articles while I go find myself some coffee.


All articles published under “The Watchcat” heading are works of satire and parody. However similar to real events, these articles are fictitious. When public figures are mentioned by name, the details of the story are invented. In all other cases, references to actual persons (living or dead), events, and businesses are purely coincidental.

All statements published in the articles within this section do not constitute the actual views of the article’s author, The Watchdog, or Bellevue College.

Recent Watchcat “Journalism”

Six things you should keep doing, Jake

April 1, 2021 0

This one’s for you, Jake. Honestly, you’re one of the most pleasant people I’ve ever met. That’s why everyone spends so little time around you and looks so annoyed when […]