My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed. Not daily, but a few times a week. I don’t smoke at all and I think it’s a health hazard and a really stupid thing to do, especially so much. I knew he smoked when we started dating, but I didn’t think I would care very much. But we’ve been dating a few months and it’s still bothering me. He already does it less than his friends, but it’s so normal in his friend group. He says he’s just waiting for me to tell him to stop, but I don’t want to tell him to do anything. I just have the horrifying thought that I’ll have to deal with this for years to come. I can name a hundred things I like about him and then it’s like this one thing about him. What should I do?
You’re never going to like everything about the person you’re with. Relationships require compromise not just between both people, but with yourself. If you can name a hundred things about him that you like and one that bugs you, you’re pretty well off. But, it’s not just about the number of pros and cons; it’s also about the weight they hold. You have to figure out how important his smoking is before you decide anything drastic.
While it’s totally fine for you not to like weed, don’t forget that you’re in college. Smoking is as much a part of the culture as drinking is. But I don’t think the majority of college students will be getting wasted every week for the rest of their lives. I think it’s safe to assume the same goes for weed. You have to talk to your boyfriend. You’ve blatantly assumed that he’s going to be getting regularly high for the rest of his life and that’s not fair at all. Tell him how you feel, listen to how he feels and then find a compromise. You might not need to compromise though, maybe understanding his side will help you get over this.
You can’t change your boyfriend, he is who he is. Even though he said he’s just waiting for you to tell him to stop, it’s not your decision to make. Doing so will only create bitterness and resentment later on. Or, he’ll just start hiding it from you. Regardless, you can’t tell him to stop. Talking to him is solely for the purpose of understanding, not to force him into anything.
What really stood out to me about your question was when you said, “for years to come.” That sounds like you’re thinking about this relationship on a long-term scale, not a short-term scale. Maybe you’re fixating on something that’s not much of a problem. Really think about your feelings. If your boyfriend smoking weed really changes the way you see him, the way you feel about him, then there’s a problem. But, if not, then it’s just something you’ll have to accept.
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