Dear Rachelle, How do I deal with loss and keep up with my studies?
There’s no right way to deal with a death. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to go through, especially at our age. Because death has become a sort of taboo in our society, there’s no real how-to for people to follow when mourning. And unfortunately, this often leads to unhealthy behavior that can have a lasting impact.
There may not be a right way to deal with a death, but there are right things to do in order to stay a healthy person.
Take time to grieve. Even though it’s hard to think about, it’s so important to not bury your emotions and ignore the event as though nothing has happened.
Everyone grieves in their own way, but everyone needs to take the time to accept what has happened and mourn properly.
It may sound depressing, but it’s not just a time to think about the person being gone, it’s also a time think about all the good memories you have of them.
Think about what you can take from them. Remember what kind of person they were. What did they enjoy? What did they want for you? Try to remember everything you appreciated about them and how you can carry it on with you. Physically, the person is gone, but their memory can live on forever.
Remember that you’re still living. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you notice that you are less patient and more distracted than normal, you need to take a break.
It’s OK to not be able to carry on with life as normal, just take the time and the means necessary to help you get back on track. One important thing to keep in mind that grieving can deteriorate your health.
Make a conscious effort to maintain healthy habits because it’s much harder to recover when you’re both physically and mentally affected.
Don’t ignore what happened. If you know someone who has lost someone, don’t pretend that it didn’t happen. It’s important that the person in mourning knows they are not alone. Even though it may be an uncomfortable subject to approach, a simple “I’m so sorry.
How are you doing?” will do. It gives the person the choice of talking about it or ending the conversation, but either way, they know they’re not alone.
Lastly, it’s OK to not be depressed and crying all the time.
Everyone deals with death in their own way and sometimes distraction and laughter is what you need. Don’t force yourself to act in a certain way just because others are or you think you should. And the more positive emotions you feel, the easier it’ll be to move on from.
You should take some time away from your life to accept what has happened, but you don’t have to completely ostracize yourself.
Do what feels right. Living your life doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about the person. They’re always with you.
Rachelle at advice@thewatchdogonline.com