DISCLAIMER: IF YOU FEEL THIS SOUNDS LIKE YOU, HAS APPLIED TO YOU, OR MAY BE YOU IN THE FUTURE, THEN I WROTE THIS ABOUT YOU.
Facebook. The place where we connect with lost elementary school besties, rekindle old romances, and creep on the kids we used to hate, hoping that they are one of the above:
Fat
Pregnant
Ugly
Unsuccessful
Most people are checking into places non-stop, updating their statuses, and poking people. (If I don’t let you poke me in person, why would it be okay online?)
Yet the biggest appeal to this social network is your ability to show off your FACE. Facebook is all about uploading your pictures and photo albums so people can see all the wonders of your hopefully exciting life; only, this is where problems begin to arise.
Everyone has the right to upload their photos and chose which profile picture they want to be associated with. However, there are too many amateur photographers.
Just follow the commandments, and you won’t be put on thedirtyarmy.com
The FACEBOOK COMMANDMENTS
1. Thou shalt not take pictures of him/herself in the mirror:
For those who are trying to show off their two packs or results after completing the p90x, and to the people who don’t have friends to take pictures of them, please stop.
No one wants to be blinded by the reflection of your camera flash in the mirror.
2. Thou shalt not take all your profile pictures yourself:
I feel empathy for anyone who has to take all his/her own profile picture. One, you have to set up the shot so that you don’t look like you took it yourself (definitely isn’t that effective since people can still tell). Two, you have to edit it yourself, crop it yourself, and justify why you took it yourself. Sounds like too much work to me.
3. Thou shalt not copy thy neighbors pose:
So your friend Becky gets 43 likes on her picture for wearing an itsy bitsy purple bikini while doing a handstand. You envy her — hopefully not enough to pull a Leighton Meester in the roommate — and you try to pull off the same picture. You don’t want to seem like a Mrs. Me, Too (in other words, that girl who is the biggest copy cat you know).
4. Thou shalt not make facial expressions that don’t match your mood:
Sticking your tongue out in pictures used to be cute in high school, but SERIOUSLY, it’s time to grow up. I really don’t care what facial expression people have in their photos until they start complaining, and saying things like, “Why would you put this picture of me up? I look like a cow.” Well, if you didn’t want to look like a cow, you shouldn’t have been chewing like that, Stacy.
5. Thou shalt not steal thy neighbors picture:
Stealing isn’t nice. Taking someone’s picture is Facebook fraud. Don’t do it.
I shall leave you with this, Jibbers. If you find yourself always taking pictures of little ol’, you find a friend that does the same thing and be each other’s photographers. Caring is sharing.
